Ideas to carry into the room
Not long ago, I would enter a room and wonder what I was going to leave with. Overtime and after a lot of work, my entrance into a room is very much different today. When I walked through the doors, I would carry with me some idea of the value of the room. And if for some reason, the outcome did not meet up to that value expectation, I might have questioned whether or not I wasted my time. Now, I leave my expectations aside. This allows me to breathe in the very nature of the gathering.
I've made a couple decisions that have changed my life forever. One of those was to quit drinking alcohol completely. Not being under the influence has really allowed me to see a group without any blinders or filters on. There is so much relational and psychological research on the quality of relationships and the use of alcohol, that there's no way I could go into it now. But what I do know is that sober conversations are much more reliable over the long-haul.
Another decision was to walk into the room with compassion and gratitude. There's no reason for me to put myself above any person or group that I've been invited into. Job 40:1-4 elucidates this concept of bringing God down so that he may be morally justified. Now I am not saying or comparing myself to Job and his relationship of God, but the concept is equivalent. If I'm in a group and somebody's dressed less than me, or has a more expensive watch than me, neither makes them above or below me. Each group is made of people, and people are bizarre, fun, interesting, and complex.
Instead of walking with judgment, I asked myself a whole bunch of questions. Not all at once, and not all of them in every situation. But I've changed my entrance from what can I get, to what can I learn. That's a very different mindset. I also ask myself, what (who) is right in front of me? So many networking events are about talking to someone while looking for the next person to talk to. I feel that this is almost usury in that my time is being captured as a placeholder for someone else’s motives, with no return of effort.
And it really made me think about some of my more in-depth relationships where I've gotten to know people, face-to-face. These are the people that will be standing right in front of you, the people over their shoulders have no relevance. The same can be said of talking to someone while they are deeply engaged in their phone interactions than in me. And at least that holds true while you're engaged in conversation. My thought is that if you are going to get to know me, then concentrate on me. I will reciprocate.
So if you are wondering, here is my abbreviated list. These also work for the after time when reflecting.
What can I leave?
What is my gratitude?
What are my goals?
Where is my compassion?
What is my mindset?
What is right in front of me?
What is the alternative?
How do I present my best self?
I can help yo reframe your position and attitude in the day to day. Feelings that can lead can lead to isolation and powerlessness, can also lead to immense gratitude and resilience.