What is my center?

I have a history of failed and feigned interests and relationships that lead me down the road of uncertainty. I've used others lenses to shape my own opinion, so I question even my own preferences. 

I go balls to the walls, become an expert and a passionate participant, then walk away without a second thought. In some ways I like that I can be passionate and learn new skills without feeling like everything needs to be a life long pursuit. That has certainly helped me from a career perspective. I've done a lot and I know a lot,  but I don't have that "thing" that I see so many other people have.  I'm CEO of a small company, and not sure I even care. With absolute clarity, I can envision both evicting the owner seizing control of the company, or walking away without a word. Equally clear in my minds eye.

I'm never really sure of my place. Although I seem to fit into just about every crowd I join, I still feel like I'm an imposter of myself. Not wanting to stir up any conflict, I placed no boundaries with friends, employers, my wife of 32 years, or my 23 year old estranged son.  The impact of that is becoming evident to me now.

At 53 I find myself at the onramp to divorce, my own doing and likely the result of the aforementioned lack of boundaries and lack of personal emotional depth.

At this point, I'm not sure if I'm lost somehow or if I'm planted exactly where I need to be. New relationships are forming and I'm energized where I am. What I really need to understand, and looking to clarify, is my personal meaning TODAY. I need to strip away walking through life under someone else's body of expectation, figure out which "me" is the real one that has meaning and the me that can offer depth.